I recently discovered that the reason I actually hate my job is because I love it so much that it actually makes me cross, unwittingly, the thin line between bonding and bondage. I still do not understand why every morning I get to work I feel like Grim after a staring contest with Billy or Chowder after an awkward session with Panini... (okay for all you who start their sentences with the phrase 'siku zetu', I usually just have a bad start to the day.) So as a result, I desperately needed a vacation. Having been to Mount Kenya three times in the last two years, I wasn't planning on setting a new record for most number of mountain climbing trips so I decided Mombasa was the ideal getaway.
Now such a trip is important to a simpleton such as I. Everything had to be planned out. The old kanzu I inherited from my old man, the kikoy girlfriend gave me, the shorts I illegally acquired from my boys and the amazing assortment of toys I carry around in my back pack (one of them being an old slingshot I always carried around until some cop confiscated it at the Kenya-Uganda game at Nyayo Stadium. Anyway, I got a new one!) So after making sure that everything is in place, I sit down with my friend's laptop (I'm beginning to make a habit of borrowing laptops...) to compile a road trip mix tape and just as fate had dictated, as if the planets had aligned to set in place some weird cosmic outcome (by the way I totally do not believe in that nonsense) I stumbled upon the folder of folders: Ten Years Of Veggie Tales Greatest Hits.
Just so that we are on the same page, this is Veggie Tales; the Veggie Tales - the greatest bunch of singing vegetables since the Californian raisins and all other have-been or wanna-be singing veggies. As if that is not enough, on opening the folder I discover 25 songs!!!!!! Okay my excitement probably makes no sense to you at this particular moment, but for the sake of understanding where I am heading with this blog, pretend you care. I sample classics such as The Hairbrush Song, His Cheeseburger and The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything and then copy them on my phone and I am set; Mombasa here I come.
My excitement however starts diminishing when I look at the time and find out it's only 7.30 pm and my bus leaves at 11.00 pm. Four hours!!!! That's how much time I have to spend idly waiting for the stupid bus. Oh and I forgot to add, I am still unwell (refer to previous post.) Girlfriend tries to cheer me up - in vain. 5,000,000 hours later the bus gets here and its all roads leading to the getaway of the year. Again, as if the planets did some silly gig and ended up in a certain pattern, me and girlfriend were split up; I got a seat at the back while she was somewhere at the middle of the bus. Crap!!!! Now am pissed, am tired, all my psyke is gone and for some funny reason, Bob and Larry can't stop singing in my head.
Now don't get me wrong I, clearly, love Bob and Larry but singing vegetables aren't exactly recommended at times of great stress and frustration. So like a mad deranged freak I spent a few minutes cursing at some singing vegetables under my breath. All the while trying to figure out how I will end up with girlfriend sitting next to me. Anyway, after playing cryptic cube with people in the bus I ended up shuffling enough people to see girlfriend next to me; at least this time the song playing was Endangered Love, which is a cute song about learning French and Going to the ball, totally irrelevant to the situation...damn you Barbara Manatee!!!! (Google this stuff...just saying.) So girlfriend is there, the bus is on the move and then I remember I still haven't taken my medicine. I have to mention that this little pill is supposed to deal with flu but I wouldn't be surprised if it was made from horse tranquilizers. No sooner had I taken the pill than girlfriend's voice turned to something close to a dragging cassette player and then there was darkness; then I woke up to this...
So much for my much awaited road trip!
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