Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Not Really A Happy New Year...

The new year is finally here! I have to say I am partly glad. One reason would be because I think I have a chronic case of ADD, yes the one that affects your attention span and so normally I would just get bored and look for something else a bit more exciting...or just something else.

The reason I say partly glad is because I now have, hopefully, another whole year to keep this blog running and this of course means I have to explain to people for a whole year, what this blog is all about. It feels like it has been a million years since I started this blog and I still do not know what it is about. A normal conversation would go something like: "So, what do you do?" I never underestimate the power of this question because I finally get a chance to impress the world with my awesomeness and to share with this foolish mere mortal my destiny which involves saving the world from Evil (no specific form of evil...just evil) using my amazing use of diction and semantics. Just before I throw in a lot of hot air about the use of linguistical warfare in attacking the dialectical issue that fuels tribalism and other ills, they go ahead to ask, "What exactly do write about?"

At this point I am slightly irritated by the interruption and the blatant lack of interest in what I do. I did not even get the chance to talk about language and zombies and dinosaurs and voices and robots and skates! No matter how many times this question is asked, I still have not yet come up with a definite answer and so I always try and use the simplest explanation: "It's about humor" I say, and then they give out a skeptical "Really?" And then am like, "Really." "What kind of humor?" "Well, it's hard to explain, because it involves monsters, and craziness, and awesomeness. Am also thinking of adding vampires and werewolves."This of course is what comes out of my mouth; what is in my head is totally different, but true...:

By this time the person am talking to is looking at me like I am something that dropped off a spaceship, landed on a highway and ended up as road kill. I can't exactly tell if the look on his face is from something he ate, or he is either disgusted by me, or not buying the nonsense I am selling. Just to be safe, I suggest to him that he reads the blog so that he can make an informed decision. Just as I start telling him the web address, he arrogantly declares: "Oh, I've read the blog." "WHAT THE...!!! WHY THE...!!! WAS THIS REALLY NECESSARY??!!!!! YOU STUPID IGNORANT ARROGANT GOOD FOR NOTHING HIGH HORSE PIECE OF GOOD FOR NOTHING...AHHH...AHHH...YARN!" I have to admit I am so mad that the worst insult that comes to me is yarn. All this of course happens in my head and all I can say is, "Oh." "So what do you think about it, you like it?" I ask, "Ahh I don't get the humor...." There is no other way to express what happens after he says this and so I will put it this way: MY FREAKING WORLD FALLS APART AND MY HEART FEELS LIKE I INJECTED PIECES OF BROKEN GLASS INTO MY BLOOD SYSTEM AND NOW THEY ARE LODGED IN MY HEART AND I AM NOW GOING TO DIE FROM DISAPPOINTMENT AND HEART BREAK; I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY!!!

I don't realize that for the last few minutes my right eye brow has been violently twitching and I am starting to show the symptoms of a rabid raccoon. I slowly move back just in case my body involuntarily jumps on him and I end up biting off his eye balls and pee on him as he rolls on the ground in pain. I start sweating when he says, "The pictures are cute, but it's lol funny not ha ha funny." I am too angry to ponder on the difference between 'lol funny' and 'ha ha funny'. It is now clear I am behaving weirdly. My body is shaking, my eye brow is twitching, what is left is for me to start foaming from the mouth. As if this is not enough, he asks, "And why don't people comment on the posts?" That's it. I have had enough of this freaking nonsense.

Him: What?
Him: What?
Him: What the heck are you talking about?!
Me: Nothing.

At this point its better off if I just walk away and let him see me for the freak I am. May be he'll read the blog and see what him and many others put me through...and then may be he'll get it!

So this being a new year, I have decided no more explaining what this blog is about; it is safer if you just read it yourself.