The collective gasp of the doctors almost sucked all the air out of Mombasa when one of them suggested that the 61 year old man might be ailing from Ebola. The man, who's bleeding they could not stop, was placed in a shoddy quarantine and handled with two pairs of gloves and two masks, for extra care. Later, when the tests came back, Peter Simiyu, the Coast Director of Medical Services, wiped his brow and breathed a sigh of relief, "We can now celebrate," he told a nurse as the old man was moved, unconscious, to the general ward, "at least his severe bleeding will not kill us as well."
It feels like a tapestry where this is just the first pattern that will make a great kiondo.
ReplyDeleteThis line "sucked air out of Mombasa" felt overeaching. I thought you were gonna say "suck the air out of the hospital" that already had me in a panic/claustrophobic i.e. being in the same hospital room with an Ebola patient..a hospital with little air.
When it refers to "Mombasa" its a bit wider/safer "psychologically' as a reader..and that makes me ease off the story a little whereas when its tighter I am more in the story.
#smallfates will lead to a beautiful collection...waiting for the next ones.